How to help your partner with depression long distance
No one teaches us how to navigate a relationship when mental illness or depression enters the equation. I recently read a Washington Post article by a woman whose relationship was torn apart while she and her partner tried to deal with his depression. Last year when I plunged into a depressive episode during our relationship, my partner was at a loss. He had never dealt with this and wanted so badly to help, but had no idea what to do.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Dr. Denney - Male Depression
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 6 Tips on Maintaining Long Distance Relationships
How to Cope with Long Distance Relationship Depression
Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear. My boyfriend and I are in our early 20s, and we recently moved in together after being in a long-distance relationship for four years. I can barely get a normal conversation. I feel so alone. He is trying to get help, but he refuses to go on any medications or stick with a plan to get better for very long.
I am so scared that this is going to always be his life—a constant roller-coaster ride controlled by depression. I want so much more for him, and for us. When he is not in the throes of depression, my boyfriend is hilarious, loving, and really fun. I feel like I may have taken that away from him by moving him away from his home. For four years, we lived only an hour or two apart; then I got a job out of state, and he was so supportive of the idea that he told me I had to go, and even decided to come with me—leaving his family, friends, and comfort zone behind.
I am torn between wanting to go home to make him happy and being worried that I might resent him for making me leave these opportunities behind. I need my boyfriend back.
Help me, please. He might not, for instance, be willing to live in Florida indefinitely. Knowing that depression is something that might recur will be important to keep in mind as you see what can be done to help your boyfriend now. Depression, like many other medical conditions, can certainly be managed, but it will nevertheless be something that your boyfriend lives with—which means his depression will be something that you will at times live with too.
Medications for depression can be quite effective, but they also often involve some trial and error and require time to take effect, and the side effects can be unpleasant. Many people simply give up, thinking that nothing will work. Another option is to see a couples therapist to get help figuring out how to work together as a team not just when your boyfriend gets depressed, but also when dealing with whatever other issues are going on in your relationship—such as the transition to living together and the move to a city where your boyfriend is away from his support system.
A therapist can help you both talk about how these changes are affecting you individually and as a couple.
Whichever route you go, a clinician should be involved to monitor his depression and assess for suicidal thoughts as well. You can loop in his family and friends back home and enlist their help and support. They too care about your boyfriend and may even have more experience helping him through a depressive episode.
Now is a good time to figure out that balance. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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9 Tips for Helping a Partner with Depression
Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear.
I'm 21 and a student at uni. Despite the long distance relationship for the past year, we text every day and support each other emotionally. Her self-esteem is very low and she has told me she hates herself. I have my own life and worries of course, but I love her and want to do right by her.
It is definitely an emotional roller coaster. Whether one of you has departed after an amazing visit, the length between visits is becoming unbearable or just not being able to express yourself physically and emotionally in the way that you want with your partner, and many other similar situations, can impact our mental health. We're all human and it gets tough when we know we can't have what we want! But when the sadness becomes a daily companion and long distance relationship depression starts to set in, it is important to recognize it to have the best opportunity to deal with it. This is an issue that is very important to us. We truly hope what we've put together can act as the building blocks for you or your partner to getting back on the right track. It's sounds easy doesn't it? Just open your mouth and let it all come out. But in reality talking about depression is damn hard. We care a lot about what others think and no one likes to look vulnerable, which can prevent us from opening up when we really need to.
When Someone You Love Has Depression
This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. Q: The guy I've been dating for nearly two years is 5, km away from me. I'm studying in Canada, he's now in Zurich! When I started university, I did not have dating experience before I met him.
Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community. I have been in a long distance relationship for 9 months with a gorgeous man who I love incredibly. We get along so well, and he's just beautiful.
Dear Therapist: My Boyfriend’s Depression Is Making Me Question Our Future Together
It can be hard to be in a relationship with someone with depression. Also, depression can make someone more irritable, angry, or withdrawn. The symptoms of depression may lead to more arguments, frustration, or feelings of alienation. Although depression can be challenging, most people want to do what they can to help.
When your spouse has depression , you might be very worried, and feel utterly helpless. After all, depression is a stubborn, difficult illness. Your partner might seem detached or deeply sad. They might seem hopeless and have a hard time getting out of bed. They might be irritable with a swiftly shrinking fuse.
Depression builds walls around people and between people. When someone you love has been dragged inside those walls, there can be a distance between you both that feels relentless. Not in the way you both want to be anyway. The symptoms of depression exist on a spectrum. Not everyone who has depression will have a formal diagnosis, so knowing what to watch out for can help to make sense of the changes you might notice. Depression looks like a withdrawal.
We live in different continents. We only met once, when I visited his country, and we started talking through messengers, calls and eventually made sure about our feelings to each other. I knew that he has depression issue but I thought it was not that serious. But he was going to a doctor recently.
People in long-distance relationships often feel lonely and depressed when they are away from their significant other. In fact, research shows that when we are separated from someone we love, anger, guilt, depression and anxiety are normal emotions. People in long-distance relationships report more symptoms of mild depression, such as feeling blue, difficulty sleeping, feeling uninterested in things, and difficulty concentrating.
These forums are a place where you can ask other young people advice on dealing with tough times and share your advice on what has worked for you. Please remember that it does not replace professional advice. Join the online community Login to post. My boyfriend and I we know each other for 3,5 years.